1. Try to overcome any embarrassment of the sexual charges or reticence to aggressively help in your defense.
  2. Don’t assume the system will correct itself, assume it won’t.
  3. Before formal charges are brought, try to get your children, with a third party present, to talk about how your kids have been influenced to say untruthful things about you. Tell them to respond to all those adults who inquire of abuse, that they must hold fast to the truth that you have not abused them. If you can get the kids to a psychologist who can inquire separately from you as to specific false allegations of abuse, and record that conversation, so much the better.
  4. If you are asked to speak with law enforcement, invoke your constitutional right to not say anything and your right to counsel. Do not think that you will help your case if you begin any interrogation. The police are trained to use techniques against you that are not always straightforward, or even helpful. You will probably not help your case at all, and will not be prejudged if you refuse to talk. Your refusal because you want to speak to your lawyer, can not be used against you.
  5. If you are asked to speak to the Child Protective Services, insist that they record the interview, and ask to first see any recorded interviews of your children. Insist on having your lawyer present when you say anything, and do so with his guidance.
  6. Get a seasoned lawyer who has specific experience handling child sexual abuse cases, and has been given positive reviews for those cases. Word of mouth and media research should give you a good feeling about hiring the right person.
  7. Try to line up a good forensic pediatrician to verify that no physical findings exist, and a good forensic psychologist who has experience testifying about child suggestibility.
  8. Try to get your lawyer to offer up a sting of your principal accuser if it is the other parent in the divorce who is accusing you. In my case, had I recorded any of the earlier telephone conversations with my wife or without police involvement, we would have recorded her angry threat to me that “because of my unfaithfulness, she was going to take the children to her native New Zealand” and “there was nothing I could do now to stop the children from going there” or “she would settle the case if I paid her $50,000 and allow her to take the children to New Zealand where they would not testify against me.”
  9. If a protective order is in place, be careful not to establish any direct or indirect contact (through third parties) with your children or those who you may be restricted from seeing. If you do so, you may violate your bond restrictions and be jailed. Note: In my case, I gave my baseball mitt to my friend to deliver to my son Luke, and the judge revoked my bond and had me jailed before my first trial. This severely hampered my ability to work with my lawyers and help in trial preparation.
  10. If you can afford it, go to a private polygraph or plethysmograph operator and use any negative findings to have your lawyer try to convince the police and the CPS to drop the mounting case against you.